It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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