Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
