I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
