I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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