I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
