I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
