Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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