come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
