Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
