well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and she was petting her beer can
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
