you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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