Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
