this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
