He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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