Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
