Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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