Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
