saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
