I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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