I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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