That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
