Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
