Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need moral support for this bender
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
