Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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