bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
