whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
