kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
