Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
