1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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