i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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