I hate your face
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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