Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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