Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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