I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
