So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
