she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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