haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
