Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
