There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
