my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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