I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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