Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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