508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
