Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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