Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
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