i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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