I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Randomize
