Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
