he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my phone needs a breathalizer
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
