I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
