pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
MIDGETS
????
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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