omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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