also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
