Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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