My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
