bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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