I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
