There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
