At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
