Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize