I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
