I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
