I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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