Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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