he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
