I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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