This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
