i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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