Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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