I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
