Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
